I'm seeking evidence of a friendly universe.
Evidence of a friendly universe: That generations of caring, generous people have been interested in studying the mind and why we think as we do.
My bedtime reading is a book called The Biology of Normal. Quite a fascinating a very well written book.
Q
I’m lucky to have days like today. I spent basically the entire day practicing mandolin. There was about an hour put to tasks related to my day job and I did a few house chores but otherwise it was just practicing music interspersed with a few meals. I’m incredibly lucky to have that kind of time for myself.
In past years, I’d be away most weekends skiing, backpacking or bicycling. While I liked having that time outdoors and away from the city, the flip side was that I felt I wasn’t attending to my home life. My list of chores simply grew longer and I’m unsure that my other “home” — my mind — was developing and being maintained. I wonder if I wasn’t constantly trying to escape the city and my unhappiness. Not sure; I was also usually doing those trips with friends and I have fond memories of nearly every trip I’ve ever done.
It’s marvelous how a pursuit in which one feels completely absorbed, like I feel when practicing a musical instrument, can be a total escape without leaving home. Not unlike a meditation retreat, really.
At any rate, I pretty much spent my time as I wanted and that’s a gift. Having the demands of a family might be a gift too. I don’t know. I know people who chafe at the requirements of parenthood and how it takes them away from their personal pursuits. But I’ve also understood that some people feel it makes them complete. At any rate my path has been the chance to develop myself and explore my own interests instead of raising a family.
Maybe that’s today’s evidence of a friendly universe, that we — I, at least — have had the freedom to choose my own path. Sometimes maybe I’ve chosen poorly or I’ve been unsure of what to do, but maybe that’s better than having someone who doesn’t know me choosing my path for me.
Evidence of a friendly universe: the freedom to choose our path.
Today, I feel scared. The news that North Korean agents may have used the VX nerve agent to assassinate the half-brother of North Korea’s leader and that North Korea may have an intercontinental ballistic missile that could reach Washington, DC along with a nuclear weapon that is small enough to be the payload in said missile is scary enough. Add to it that I’m severely uncomfortable with what President Trump and his staff are doing; that I do not believe he is capable of handling a crisis like we may soon be facing; that Sean Spicer, the White House press secretary, barred journalists from attending his daily news briefing today (source: New York Times) — what are they hiding? — and it’s enough to induce an episode of ice cream eating. I don’t have any ice cream but I do have hot chocolate. Now I feel bloated.
Evidence of a friendly universe: the fear reaction. It helps keep me safe.
I believe I am surrounded by deception and liars. This belief creates gloom and fear around me.
There was a moment, a long time ago, I was 13, when I dedicated myself to always telling the truth from that point on. In short, it was because I found it impossible to feel comfortable if I was lying to people. I also had several experiences around that time of being dishonest and getting into big trouble as a result. I had some notion that it was karma or some sort of punishment from a divine force for my dishonesty. Also, I was humiliated by the experience of being caught in lies. My conclusion was that I needed to always be honest going forward.
That has led to a challenging life, I think. No lying on the resume though the vast majority of competing job candidates are, no games of deception in the BS of work place politics, no lying to lovers.
Sometimes this has meant that I’m unable to speak at crucial moments: the problem of being unable to say anything nice so just saying nothin’.
But telling the the truth is also liberating and saves a lot of time and energy. It’s also pushed me to seek out communities and people with whom I could live an honest life. The communities have been harder to find. Groups of people seem to trend towards deceit, maybe for social acceptance. Individuals, though, seem willing to be vulnerable and honest with me. I’ve tended to feel most comfortable with one-on-one experiences. Maybe this is why.
At any rate, one community within which I’m often comfortable is artists, especially musicians. My belief is that you can’t fake your skill level, so there’s wide agreement in the community that honesty is ok and necessary, at least as regards skill. Musicians still lie about other things, though: fidelity, substance abuse, money, self-image.
This entry is feeling inadequate. This is a huge subject for me and I don’t want to thumb-type it. And I’m tired. Maybe I’ll come back to this some day.
At any rate, in a universe where deception may be a key to success, the mere fact that truth-telling can exist at all is pretty remarkable.
Evidence of a friendly universe: truth-telling.
Q
Our obsession with hot drinks. Evidence of a friendly universe? Well, I certainly enjoy it. Hot soup too. Which is what I’m having for dinner. Honestly, this observation feels a bit lame but my fingers are freezing and I can barely type. I’m calling it a day.
Evidence of a friendly universe: that hot tea and hot soup exist. And that I have the freedom to call it a day when I’m cold and tired. I don’t think most people in the world are so lucky.
Q